getting the second wind

writings about rest

A question

I have been asking myself for days.

“Why do certain people hurt me?”

It is not because I allowed them. It is also not because I am always with them because I am not even close to them, though how come with just one word or gesture, I become affected and replay what happened in my head? Repeating it in my mind is my fault. I mustn’t hit the watch again button to moments that were already done.

It is probably because my brain has a tendency to picture instances and compose dialogue which only makes things worse.

I had been pondering about that question until I realized this:

Maybe I am hurt because I have placed these people on a pedestal. I have been fixated about the idea of them, yet I wasn’t properly introduced to them.

Let us face it. No amount of precaution can stop the heart from being upset. However, I’d rather be a hurt yet honest one than a numb yet cold-hearted one.

My sensitivity may appear like a flaw, but through its eyes, I can see.

The reality

Here is a hard pill to swallow: The reality that there are certain people who don’t see you the way you see them.

I have always tried to ignore the fact that not everyone will be supportive of you and your decisions. Since I have always been considerate, I believe that I can eventually please people but I have learned that is not a guarantee.

Here is what I didn’t see coming: Regardless of who you are or what you are doing, not everyone will like you nor the idea of you.

So, what is the moral of this matter?

Start anyway.

 

Write that piece.

Visit that friend.

Plan that activity.

Submit those requirements.

 

Press on anyway because whether you do something or you don’t do anything, people will say something, so what if I have to go on alone? My people will meet me along the way.

Road trip

isa na namang paglalakbay

Minsan ay ito na lang ang natatanging pagkakataon na tayo ay nakaupo sa iisang espasyo.

Sa tagal ng paghihintay, nababalikan natin ang mga magagandang—magagaang—alaala. Sa haba ng byahe, napagtanto nating matagal na pala mula no’ng huli nating lakwatsa. Napapaisip tuloy ako kung anong nangyari. Unti-unti na tayong nawalan ng oras para sa isa’t isa.

Maaaring hindi ito sinasadya. Maaaring dulot lamang ito ng pagtatapos at pagsisimula ng bagong peryodo.

 

Sa wakas, narating na natin ang ating destinasyon.

Tapos na ang lakbay-aral.

 

Sa pagkuha ng aking dalahin ay hindi ko maiwasang mapatanong ng…

 

“Gaano kaya katagal bago maulit ang ganito?”

An advice

It took me a while before I finally came to terms with the fact that the dreams you have for yourself and others don’t need validation from people who don’t understand them. If you think that it will benefit your future, then that is enough to press on, isn’t it?

It has been my advice to persist even if it means going alone, but deep down, I have hoped that I won’t have to.

Not just a poem

I’m neither just a poem

nor sad one.

Like a kid, I wish to frolic

on the beach.

Like somebody who yearns,

I long to be sit with the waves.

I used to search for familiar arms,

but found it in Someone eternal.

I have kept notelets

and held on those times

although they are already a part of a backstory.

still writing, wondering

“Why do people want our optimum versions

but is scared of our fragility?”

August felt like a weight on the shoulder.

The load remains in September.

after everything that transpired

still orbiting,

still hoping